(((cooling tea)))
(i’m typing this into the Notes app on my phone now…)
((parentheses above just added))
I’m calling this “cooling tea” for now, inspired by a conversation with ChatGPT.
burning journals (maybe a good subtitle).
pages and pages of incomplete experience held (edited from ‘experience held incompletely’) in notebook form.
this is not the direction intended. the idea is changing while being written.
<no-longer-steaming green tea…
(thinking about marijuana gummies while typing this up. i’ve consumed (edited from taken) two of them)
(back to transcribing…)
… within reach.>
what was the title again?
burning journals? cooling tea?
funny knowing that so much of what is written is done so with sort of (‘sort of’ just added) background thoughts like “when i read this again (i like using lower case ‘i’ not entirely sure why, but i have an idea), maybe it will elicit a similar felt, known experience.”
(i remember thinking, when actually writing this originally, something like “oooh, look at me… i’m thinking and writing.” anyway…)
a lovely thought, really.
but do i ever re-read such things? almost never. it’s all just casually locked away for no one else to really see.
i’m internally self-editing as this is written.
(thinking of something else potentially relevant for just a moment, but it’s gone)
this kind of - ‘kind of’ added immediately after having already written the next word - background feeling-ish of “does this sound right?” as i silently say it to myself.
(that question mark isn’t supposed to be there, but i’m leaving it. see?! decisions! what?! ha!)
burning journals. cooling tea.
i can stop anytime now right?
drink the tea while it’s… whatever it is right (edited from ‘by’) now?
(the tea continues to cool as i type this. idea! parentheses around a portion at the top subtly indicating the presence of more ‘recent’ thinking. back to typing…)
can also drop some ice into it later and transform it into a different sort of refreshing.
(lost my place in the page…)
(there it is!)
pros. cons. possib-ilities (just ‘decided’ to type it this way to “bring you closer”). priorities.
do i’m mention that enjoy when (had an idea about leaving another question mark that was typed unintentionally then deleted. moving on…) words (forgot to write that word originally) end in strange middle places at the end of lines?
(i love how the above turned out and I haven’t even re-read it yet)
that i give little to no attention to…
a page has been turned…
(i think there might be an ant crawling in my leg)
and i’ve forgotten where this was going…
i remembered “burning journals” and “cooling tea” while…
(the notes app just randomly closed and i thought all this might be gone)
… while finishing that last one.
did i decide to include thought process in this way?
anyway… the dang journals and the dang (‘dang’ unintentionally added here and left) tea.
giving the past back to the past.
giving the ideas back to where/who/what/when ever they came from.
(remembering enjoying writing those lines; remembering liking the “slashes between words” idea)
Sherri just missed a phone call i could’ve answered if i’d been willing to pull away from this.
(this had to be at least an hour ago. ha!)
actually, i’m going to recycle the journals. that seems just as symbolically appropriate.
novelty.
the thought “i may never have intended to actually burn them, but i did think about it.
(this was originally hand-written in all caps)
should i make that distinction clear?
fucking tea!!!
(extra emphasis added this time around)
and actually, still quite warm.
(still a little warm)
i love you.
(sincerely, genuinely, completely)
(this is enough)