(((lean…)))

trimming fat from the budget this morning. just thought of and reduced another expense. Audible, unnecessary vitamins, extra mortgage principle payments. as gratef as much gratitude as there is for the VA and its provisions, this back-and-forth process is tiresome…


thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…

breathe…
notice…
rest in awareness…

open, aware, present… (“heavy” “dense” “slow”)… whatever is happ-ening… nothing excluded… (even) here/now/this…

being is enough…
(is this worth talking to others about? sharing ((perceived/subjective/relative)) struggles? enough money is being income is being reduced (inclined to say “taken” but that’s a bit dramatic) enough that i may eventually need an actual (part-time) job…
i mean “oh no… life is so hard…” (heavy sarcasm) “you might have to spend just a little time doing something that isn’t exactly only what you want to do… boo hoo…” (laugh)((😆)) “i’d rather… die? not exist? than ever work for someone else for mo-ney again” (except that’s pretty much how it is with Liz, but she’s a friend, much not a boss, and i’m happy to help, though the pay is useful, and she’s not profiting materially — she’s glad she’s able to pay those who care for her. the structure might be a bit different, but i’d continue helping without pay if such ever became necessary)

… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…


(love) 💕