(((māra…)))

wonder, curiosity, openness, acceptance — all words describing… some kind of state of receptivity maybe? (even though those (and these) are just more words)
not-icing how often these writings begin in a way that differs significantly in content from any preceding(sp?) thoughts (of which there are usually many throughout mor-ning routines) about what to write about and/or how to begin. not even sure at this point how many, if any, of those thoughts are clearly remembered beyond some vague recollection of their occurrence.
even now i can “hear” the questions about where this is going and where it might end up.
wondering about meaning and purpose again.
is it selfish (self-interested/involved/absorbed?) to repeatedly write about “my own” thoughts or to attempt to describe internal states? does it matter whether or not it’s selfish/self-interest-ed if its only purpose is for the joy/release of writ-ing?
perhaps wondering if such thoughts and feelings are relatable (if even comprehensible) and whether or not such might “help” others ((maybe even myself)), however few, feel less alone. wondering if the influence of considering wheth-er or not others might read this is valuable, or a hind-erance, or perhaps both in different ways, or maybe neith-er.
experientially, it could be said that the habit of caring what others think (and therefore wanting to cultivate ((project)) a particular image of “self”) is rather deeply rooted. i want to not care, but perhaps the caring and the desire not to are both simply asking to be accepted as aspects (of experience) present in this moment.
nothing to do then but notice…
like inviting Māra for tea…

thinking, sensing, perceiving — phenomena…

breathing…
noticing…
being…

open, aware, present…
whatever is…
nothing excluded…
here…
now…
this…
(the sensations of writing each line of each letter of each word of each thought as they seem to arise from (within?) this background of not-quite-emptiness)

being is…

… an unconditional yes to experie-ncing...

💕