(((still/busy…)))
(thinking about what?)
thinking itself seems to be the focus (of thinking 😆) for now, rather than its expression; not confident that it can or will ever cease, that cessation is any kind of necessary/helpful, that i have any control over it (aside from (the experience of) choosing how to respond (though uncertain and progressively less certain as to where/what/who such “choices” are coming from).
it just seems so busy, so self-interested, so often seemingly misdirected or misguided, inaccurate, incomplete, limited…
also, though… sometimes… elaborate, extraordinary, imaginative, beautiful, kind, loving, generous, compassionate, understanding (at least attempting), curious, creative…
still… never really just still… so busy…
seems like thinking isn’t sure what to think of itself…
how might thinking deconstruct itself without… itself? is it even truly an “itself” beyond an accepted label for a subjectively common, objectively unusual process/stream/flow/observation? what’s to “deconstruct” (and why of course)? is thinking actually even a thing that is happening?
what is really asking?
what is really being asked?
what is really being asked about?
what do these questions even mean?
are these really even questions?
rather than — all these analogies arise: teeth biting themselves, a finger touching itself, an eye looking at itself, etc. — thinking observing/deconstructing “itself”, what might happen if “it” is simply given no attention (as was necessary to ask even this very question)?
ChatGPT (re: dreaming): “You thought thinking was gone? Here’s a whole fucking universe.” 😂
can noticing not follow thinking?
not necessarily “looking away” so-to-speak, but rather like “not thinking anything of it”?
(see what thinking did there?)
😂💕
grasping at (appearances of) smoke/water…
thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…
(why think (this way)?)
breathe…
notice…
rest in awareness…
open, aware, present…
(random thoughts like this one silently screaming for attention; “it’s more interesting/entertaining than just following a pattern; the randomness/unpredictability is exciting!”)
whatever is happen-ing…
(see?! that includes thinking!)
nothing excluded…
(see?!?!)
here…
now…
this…
being is…
(enough? suffic-ient? adequate? as long as thinking is present for company (says thinking, obviously)…)
… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…
(still includes think-ing. no escaping it (probably); neither swimming nor drowning are requirement(s) of being in water — one can simply float… flow with…)
💕
titles: “thinking about what?” or “still/busy…”
even in the apparent absence of any clearly observable (consistent/tangible/identifiable) “chooser” or any clearly observable “process” of “choosing” or any clearly observable criteria by which “choosing” is directed, there still seems a capacity to “choose” whether or not to engage with (follow/analyze/believe) thinking rather than simply noticing/observing it.
like, this whole thing, up to and including this, could have easily been just another passing thought…