(((unabsent…)))

tea (with a touch of lemon and a drop of monk fruit extract this morning) could still stand to cool a bit (preference more than tolerance)((funny how frequently it’s necessary to look at what has been written to verify that it’s been transcribed accurately, like it’s mostly already forgotten, or like there’s some sense of where it was going, but little to no sense of “my” voice which might result in simply knowing “how ‘i’ would say anything in particular)). several successive seemingly un-related (smiling at the line break “unrelating” “un” and “related”). many vanished and forgotten just as quickly as they seemed to arise.
one, slightly more recent and perhaps recurrent, as it relates to non-interference is contemplation of the (potential) influence/affect ((effect?)) of mere (in terms as in simple, not trivial) presence. as is indicated by and documented in the realms of physics, even (the “act” of) observation influences outcomes (e.g. waves to particles).
this is all stemming, to some degree, from the idea that “being is enough…”, or that existence itself is sufficient “action” as it does, apparently, have an inherent ((impact)) ((funny that that word was completely skipped when handwriting; enjoying how it looks now with the double parentheses — like an actual ((impact)) of sorts)). now wondering why i even make that conn-ection… would existence not be “enough” if it had no impact whatsoever? what’s the attachment(?) to impact. influence, affect (effect? unsure…)?
the thoughts that arise are something like “observable change, even if a result of simply being/existing, is a form (perhaps the primary) of validation of one’s beingness/existence”. in other words, i prove my existence to myself ((and perhaps “others”)) via observ-ation of how my presence (and/or actions ((actions almost certainly eliciting more obvious results))) affect things around (and/or within) me. were i to remain aware…
<Sherri interjecting with some commentary on politics, plus another quick sip of tea…>
… but have no observable impact/influence whatsoever, how would i know (except via my own sense of awareness ((of being))) that i exist? would awareness be proof enough?
unseen, unheard, unfelt, unknown, and yet aware… is that even (considered) existence? why or why not?
what if awareness, openness, and love are (near) synonyms in their implication of full, complete, and total presence (with everything)?
this might be a fair description of the primary “driving force” behind “my” most fundamental curiosity (at present, at least).
aaanyway…

thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…

breathe…
<deep breaths…> notice…
(tea waiting in the peripheral vision)
rest in awareness…
(this body, the lines between it and its surroundings being “manufa-ctured” by this brains ((realizing “brains” should have an apostrophe, but leaving it out because “fuck it” basically)) best interpretation of whatever sensory information it’s receiving including its ((perceived)) capacity to elicit/create change… to have a sip of tea, for example…
<sip of tea…>
three sips, actually)

open, aware, present…
(different words, different definitions, and yet so much in common)
whatever is happening…
(i honestly have no idea… that’s what’s happening (after writing that, re-examining the truth of it — is “i” real? can it “have” anything? is there even really such a thing as an “idea” to have? all kinds of possibilities indicating potentially deeper truth than realized as it was written))
nothing excluded…
(we’ve been over this enough. what “we” is being referred to though? the many inner voices? the imagining of an eventual reader (and an assumption that such a reader would’ve read other entries prior to this one)?)
here…
now…
this…
(often written as “here/now/this” because, like awareness/openness/love, while the words and their respective definitions differ, they also seem to have a lot in common)

being is enough…
(again, somewhat exhaustively (cognitively, at least) explored)

… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…
(an “inner grin” at the triple meaning, and a simultaneous questioning of the capacity to genuinely receive what-ever comes, while also recognizing that sometimes “whatever comes” includes resistance to (that) whatever…)

(love) 💕