(((upbeat…)))
follow threads or random bursts?
not even sure what kind of decision that is, if a decision at all.
a tree (in the yard) was taken down by the city today — apparently an issue with the roots. hung up now on our (humans’) capacity and subsequent inclination for willfully changing things based on whatever the prevailing ideas of “right” or “better” ((might)) be at any given moment (as compared to leaving things alone and allowing nature to take its course).
this then translates as “i’m tired of people (not excluding myself).” tired of our drive, our power, our capacities and assumptions, our expansion, our senses of superiority and ownership, our existence…
“perhaps especially my own” is the next thought to arise. tired of witnessing all of this as such, and yet, with a sort of inexplicable intensity, an inclination to simply let it be (as it is / as we are); to allow change to occur as it does naturally, realizing that we are not separ-ate from such nature, in the same way that some-thing like cancer, while generally considered undesir-able, is neither unnatural nor separate from the body. tired of existence/existing — a rogue cancer cell wishing to free the body of its influence.
or maybe just normal and healthy, but what (often) happens to normal, healthy cells in the presence of cancerous ones? death? (attempted) conversion? a ((seemingly)) simpler sort of pushing-aside (distinction, pressure, competition for resources)? whatever…
not the most upbeat i’ve ever felt (laugh ((😂)))…
thinking, sensing, perceiving — phenomena…
(“upbeat” is for sure gonna be the title (laugh ((😂))))
breathing…
noticing…
(sun just began shining through a nearby window as clouds cleared)
being…
open, aware, present…
(there are no words to be written that are worth taking seriously)
whatever is…
nothing excluded…
(even all of this; just a bunch of translation of a general sense of “uncomfortable” or “un-pleasant.” words flowing from perceived emotions that have no other consistently practiced/preferred outlet… nothing more)
here…
now…
this…
being…
… an uncond-itional yes to experiencing…
💕
thinking about typing the above while drinking morning tea…
thinking about thinking about typing the above and wondering how much of the warmth and flavor or morning tea was being unintentionally unappreciated…
thinking about writing about thinking about thinking about being distracted from conscious enjoyment of morning tea by all this thinking, wondering whether or not such should be included…
thinking about mentioning its formulated (rather than spontaneous) nature…
all before the tea was finished — directly enjoyed and appreciated sporadically throughout…
and now here we are… 💕