(((words…)))

I haven’t the words to…
It seems like individuals often communicate through stories, but how might one tell a story so as to accurately and fully convey any experience and the depths of meanings?
I haven’t the words to…

oneness = aloneness?
(both concepts)

from the smallest to the largest of that which one is directly experiencing, (it?) can (it?) be said that without(,?) (“?)it(“?) (<s>?)(such distinctions at least?)(we? i? I?)(</s>?) would be alone.
what if, in fact, perhaps, we actually are not we or other? to whom (or what?) is this question being asked? to whom (or what?) is asking it? do any of the words even actually mean anything? and now who’s asking that? (and who’s (or what’s) placing emphasis? who’s (or what’s?) questioning? what is ((questioning)) even? and this?!

(started on the phone instead of this journal today)
thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…

breathe notice. rest in awareness… (no room for a a period after “breathe” on the line above, thinking of leaving it out, “open”)

open, aware, present… D. meowing and dragg-ing around a cat string-toy upstairs)___ whatever is happening…
here…
now…
this…

being is (an uncondit-ional yes) enough…

… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…

(love(,?) you) 💞

<a first sip of hot tea… mm(h/m?)…>

It seems there are no truly clear images in memory — shapes and colors often distorted, backgrounds fuzzy and/or shifting, conversations paraphrased and/or dramatized…
if memory is any basis for who one is, how can we see ourselves clearly, truly, fully?
am I thinking as well as memory? some (indeterminable) amalgamation of what has been, is, and might/could/will be? is it even “i” thinking? remembering? imagining/anticipating/expecting? am i this body as well? it’s movements, cravings, addictions, sensations, perceptions, conditions, perhaps even its thinking/remembering/imagining?
am I really any of these things? what about actions? doing? am i what i do? am i how i’m remembered? am i how i remember/think/imagine myself? am i what i do? or is it some ultimately inexplicable combination of all of this? or is it not any of this? or is it both? am i anything? nothing? none? all? some? what then? what now?

(if only some, must i make choices? do i decide how “i” is defined? and if all of the above is being decided upon, what “i” is deciding?)

<search for “Meta Oculus Quest 2 (order?) head strap” replacement…>

((“i would feel (be?) utterly alone without you… is that love? in order to be (or feel?) anything other than (not) alone, i need you… is that love? to know that… is it?
I don’t (this doesn’t?) exist, there’s no point to this… without you… is that love?
(i haven’t a clue really…)”))

(((or is this all love? that in/among all possibilities exactly this exists? that at some point one might say that love’s natural progression might have been to at least imagine an other with whom it could share itself? and to marvel at this other and this sharing without clinging? to know and accept the pain of loves freedom, complete release? the continuous arrival and departure of this moment? to be always knowingly loving and losing every magnificent instant? and to be with each still? mustn’t the love of being with be worth the pain of being without? is this instant ever lost?)))

((((💕))))

(((((song that hasn’t been thought of in ?: Is This Love by Whitesnake…)))))