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"placeholder" was used during website page creation and just never changed; i like the meaninglessness of it…
shifting attention. mind-body, body-mind. noticed during (another bout of) BeatSaber. some thorough stretching before and the body was already in a mild steady burn deep in the muscles —> increased attent-ion((-))getting sensations, and that’s before any signif-icant movement starts.
first recommended song: Alone by ? (Marshmellow) and the thought “of course” giving implied meaning to the title. it’s a relative-ly long and physical song, (perhaps) especially with exagge-rated movements at 60% speed in expert+ (that may be a bit of a humble-brag, but it’s intended purpose is simply to help describe moving through full ranges of motion moving ((very)) slowly… it offers a diff-erent flavor of intensity than whipping away at 100% speed and hoping for the best. it becomes possible to notice the many flowing motions seemingly designed into the game, the coordination with lyrics like “get low” or “split” requiring a squat ((for example)) and many other similar associations, the whole rhy-thm and dance of it all) and it burns so… good…
noticing some stiffness in the hips and “switching on” the core a bit — side to side, dip, lean, bend, rotate — now that’s all lit up, too.
breathing enters the picture (not that it was ever absent), heavy and deep, filling with a stretch of the ribs ((muscles)), a full-body sensation, like all the cells drinking in the fresh air. head swinging around at times like it might try to just fly off; lower neck is stiff initially, but begins to give way with repeated gentle encourage-ment.
attention just traveling around the body — what does this or that feel like? what can it do?
just before beginning Alone (double meaning), the menu tile for Imagine Dragons was noticed in such a way that none of the tiles around, while equally visible, could be at all consciously identified, so in a sense, it was like it was “by itself”, which appar-ently influenced the apparent decision to go there next.
“let’s continue with all the body stuff” is thought, “it feels good — intense but good” and “agreed”.
Believer is first on the list (of accessible songs), “serendip-itous, obviously” being the general them of thinking. and so then begins a cascading complex narrative which proceeds to alternate intermittently with the conscious noticing of various physical sensations.
“what is this saying about me? about god? about relation-ship (to/with whom- or whatever)?” “what does it mean that i thought of my sister just now? what was i thinking right before? what lyrics are/were playing?” “what does it mean that, after while focus(ing) on hitting blocks and ((the)) associated physical sensations, i payed attention to that lyric at that moment?” “what does it mean that, in the midst of wildly distracted thinking (like “what was the message/meaning of yesterday’s movie choices?”), that lyric stood out at that moment?” “what is the general theme of the song saying?” “what self-applicable meaning exists?” “is even the (unfolding) ordering of songs its own kind of message (even if only from self to self?)?
then the head tilts back, vision softens, and the game of slic-ing individual blocks becomes a single rhythmic-ally moving image — coordinated background abject movement, color changes; the blocks are part of it, not separate, and they’re still getting hit… the game continues, the body still doing, and look at this!
<<dinner time…>>
It’s Time is next available (pur-chased) and “more serendipity, obviously” and needless to say the whole process continues throughout Enemy and Thunder, and leaving behind a general sense of being “pumped” and “likely delusional”, summarizing 34 minutes of game-play (“what would numerology say about the “7” of “34 minutes?”).
and then onto morning stuff, the most subjectively significant aspect of which is the steam burn on my right pinky (which i feel even now sliding across the page) sustained when the kettle lid tumbled off while pouring water for tea. i had simply skipped the usual “make sure the lid is secured” step. almost drop-ped the kettle on the floor. felt the sharp burn-ing sensation come on slowly while cleaning up the mess (not unexpected based on the sudden int-ensity of the initial heat flash). Sherri suggests cold water and lavender after some comments about pain to which the reply was essentially “no, pain is fine.”
and it is((…)) an attention-getter, for sure… stinging, throbbing, bit of pressure, sensitivity… fine. body doing what body does. taking care of itself.
still haven’t had any tea… however it comes…
almost forgot (almost closed the journal) again…
thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…
breathe. notice. rest in awareness…
(following one letter at a time (attempting)…)
open, aware, present… whatever is happening… (feeling “zoomed in”)… nothing excluded… (did the room just get brighter?)… here/now/this…
(interesting…)
being is enough…
(((re-))crossing legs, sitting for awhile now…)
… a((n)) unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…
time for tea…
love you… (triple meaning)(heart-face?)((sure, why not… 🥰))