(((whatever this is…)))
enough.
(wondering if that’s all i’ll ever get…>
(ha ha! breaking cycles, patterns; building neurons and all that…)
this beginning was planned in advance while still in the kitchen, moments ago now ((couple of hours now)), cleaning and putting(sp? two t’s? ((yep))) away coffee-making supplies, including this explanation, though mentioning the inclusion of the explanation as well as this statement pointing out such are much more recent, spontaneous.
(morning ‘opening…’ yeah… that’s nice… the only thing i don’t like about it is how i think it might sound to someone else; the word “pretentious” comes to mind, but i’m not sure of its actual definition, so not sure if it’s fitting)
thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…
breathe, notice, rest in awareness… (<— usually periods between; commas un-intentional)
<<emptying vacuum robot dust bin, taking out the trash and recycling, resetting a hanger rod, cuddling Zeke and giving him a snack, having a bit of apple cider vinegar…>>
open, aware, present… whatever is happening… no-thing excluded… here/now/this…
(‘inner’ sensations build, stir, leading up to this one…)
… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…
((i forgot about ‘being is enough…’))
<sighhhhhhh…; two more sips…>
honestly thinking mostly about whether or not to transcribe yesterday and the day before — feeling a little behind my own expectations, a little frust-rated, possibly disappointed. there’s some ‘good stuff’ in there — fun paths to follow — and maybe i don’t like the idea of just letting it go so i can keep up with this…
whatever this is…
must it be daily?
or have any sort of committed regularity whatsoever?
must it hold a position or prove a point?
is there any hope of catching every single possible descriptive((?)) word imaginable and, even if possible, would all such words ever amount to what it’s actually like to be this?
whatever this is?
Enough.
(if it is, it is this; if i am here ((now)) in this, and it is, and is this, and this is, then it must be me; if it is and i am, i must be it; what could set us apart?
even the ‘us’ in the question isn’t quite right…)((nor is the ‘apart’))
so that’s a lot…
like, this grand still-a-sort-of-concept of ‘god’ is so big that it includes ego and all of its shit?
everything as it is no matter what?
yep.
so if it is, it is all of this?
((or)) if not, how ((not)) so?
<coffee finished and enjoyed… (coffee emoji + smiley)((☕️😊))>
all still just thinking, words, meaningless…