(((gloomy…)))

<another two sips of actually-still-hot tea… (only steeped for 16 minutes (laughing)((😂)))>

(don’t forget opening…)
(i cannot attest to the any accuracy of memory by which to compare any other;
wandered off down ‘self-editing lane’… let’s go with:) this you, now, is almost certainly not (exactly) how i remember you, and even if…
(clears imaginary throat and quietly (silently) grunts “opening…” (as if giving a little shoulder nudge))
… i do remember accurately to some degree, it’s very certainly never the whole picture,
but you…

((…))

<<kitty-cat playtime and bathroom break…>>

… you’re retaining a perfect memory of being you…
maybe not of how you’ve always been or of everything you’ve been through, but in whatever memories do exist, of still always being you —

a perspective/perception ‘center’ of whatever might be happening at any given (ever-changing?) moment…

a whole (perspective?) universe…
(experiencing itself and other universes…

<<Sherri’s phone repeatedly buzzing — an unrecognized call from Boston…>>
… all within one larger potentially infinite ‘actual’ universe;

a universe experiencing the a universe (that it is made of) as a sort of ‘point’ of perspective within it —

like a particle from a wave —

like a drop in the ocean…))

thoughts, sensations, perceptions — phenomena…

breathe. notice. rest in awareness…
(somewhat repeatedly thinking the word ‘gloomy’ but not really in a bad way…)

open, aware, present… whatever is happening… nothing excluded… here/now/this…
(remembering wanting to write about ‘gloomy’ while doing something with cat food or dishes near the kitchen sink…
also, later i think, think-ing “sometimes things seem like ‘i’m doing this’, ‘i did that’, ‘i decided that.’” “authorship” is a word that came to mind;
and “sometimes it’s more like ‘i’m thinking about all of this (writing, for example) and look at all the stuff that’s still happening!’”
(“how the fuck am i washing these dishes without any noticeable conscious thought being devoted to the task?”))

being is enough…

… an unconditional yes to experiencing it/at all…

gloomy: (remembering a couple of sips of the tea of ever-changing-climate… (laughing)((😂)))
gloomy isn’t meant in a bad way.

<<another bathroom break (tea is going right through and/or transcribing is passing more time than realized)…>>

it’s greyish out, and a slightly rising-sun-(not directly visible through the clouds)-tinted hue, like an aged photograph.
moisture in the air, and almost sort of ‘thickness’ to it, like just ever-so-slightly barely having a sense of walking through something and it has a somehow non-scent — maybe just a slightly unusual sensation in the nostrils, maybe both.
things feel a little slower maybe.
mind has a kind of quite “staticky” background… not really bothersome nor desireable(sp?) but a seemingly noticeable difference from the multitude of almost clear (and/)or too-fast-to-catch voices.

the yard is pretty — very subtle warm-yellow mixing with the grey…

(((leave space for tea… (afterthought)((after-thought))(another laughing)((😂)))))

((so yeah… pret-ty gloomy… (laughing)((😂))))